CHICAGO

Today we went to Chicago with Craig, Missy and Maddie. Again, it was bittersweet. We've never been to Chicago other than just to drive through. We've never seen the Sears Tower, the John Handcock Building, or Lake Michagan. It went well, but my heart did ache watching other people enjoying their children, especially seeing that fantastic relationship between Craig, or Missy, and Maddie. They look so great together.

Other than a little lonliness, the day went really well, at least until we were on our way back. We stopped at a Texas Roadhouse to eat (one of the places we enjoyed with Kimmi). But, it was ok until we were served the rolls. I grabbed one to butter it, and it hit me square in the head. Along came the tears and the complete emptiness and grief. I immediately thought of Kimmi "buttering my buns". She always put the butter on my roll for me. Now she will never do it again! I started crying and rushed to the restroom to hide my tears. I didn't want to ruin the day for anyone. I felt tremendous loneliness the rest of the night, but did my best to hide it. I started thinking about all the things she did, or we did together, and it left me empty. Lord, please give me peace so I can enjoy life again.