MY CUP

I asked my Lord to "Take this cup from me." I was hurting and suffering from guilt about my baby's passing into heaven. "Please take this Cup from me. Please take away the pain of her death. Please take away the pain and guilt of not taking better care of her and keeping her safe and healthy."

Then, when the Lord took the cup from me, I decided I wanted it back. When I was no longer suffering, it seemed like I could no longer see Kimmi or remember what she looked like. I could barely see her in her casket or in her bed as she died. I wanted it back. I needed to see her, to tell her I loved her.

All of a sudden, it dawned on me. I don't need to remember her suffering to love her. I don't need to remember her dying to love her. I don't need to remember her dead body lying in that casket to love her and know that she is with Jesus.

He took the cup from me, and I am rejoicing. Now, I am remembering and seeing the happy, wonderful and beautiful baby girl I knew before this terrible tragedy. Now, I am remembering the fun things we did, the great times we had, and that absolutely beautiful smile just below her cute little pug nose attached to her gorgeous little face. I still can see Kimmi taking her last breath on earth, but it was really beautiful the way Jesus took her home. And, I was blessed with a dream, or vision, of Kimmi in heaven dancing and jumping, smiling the most beautiful smile and praying for us down here. I don't need that cup anymore. I have Kimmi and Jesus!

Of course, I still have my moments, and will continue to, but that, too, makes me feel that much closer to my little angel.